Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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