I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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