I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
