Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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