sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize