I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
