I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
