I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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