your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you never un-have a 4some
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
