Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
