If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
