i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
