Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
