First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
