so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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