If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
