i jhust puked up my retainher.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
