How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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