He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got inside last night via doggy door
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
