you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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