Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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