You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
