jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
