It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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