I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
