We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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