I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need help removing her.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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