i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
