he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
