Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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