i don't like sucking hair
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
