a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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