Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
