Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
