ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize