once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
