what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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