I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
