sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
