but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
