I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
