he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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