I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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