i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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