hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
