I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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