I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
