My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
