cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
