everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
