bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
