I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
