it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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