He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize