u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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