HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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