Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
