even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
