i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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