ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
