Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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