Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
