i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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