Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
