Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
