wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
