we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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