We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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