Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
