Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
