My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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