Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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