Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize