please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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