There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you never un-have a 4some
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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