Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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