our cab driver is having phone sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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