i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
