I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
