Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize