Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We are all done wearing pants today
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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