Kiss
Puke
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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