yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Randomize