just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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