I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
