you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
