Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
