just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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