Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
