After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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