Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
