Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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