What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
