She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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