I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize
