Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
