Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
