I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
