I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
