Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
