Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
